Perpetual toddlerhood

I've just spent the last three weeks in hell. How's that for dramatic?

It has felt like that, though. For some reason, George's sleep patterns for the last three weeks have been really irratic. He'd wake up every few hours, or sleep very few hours, or wake up at 3am and be up for the rest of the day. Jon and I would switch staying up with him, but it was up to me to handle most of it, and I do not do sleep deprivation very well. For example, the other night, at the tail end of it all, George went to bed very early, at about 5pm, and woke up at 10:30 (which is about my regular bedtime), and since he requires constant supervision, I was up with him the rest of the night. By 3:30am, when Jon woke up to relieve me, I was in despair and weeping because it was the third week of doing it.

Sometimes we forget that both our children are basically toddlers, even though they're chronically much older. I call it "perpetual toddlerhood." That period's called, for good reason, "the terrible twos", and it's probably the most difficult part of parenthood. For most parents, though, they know that sleepless nights, them getting into stuff continually, and the "everything's mine" outlook is temporary. That's not true for us, though; we've been doing it for nine years and there's no end in sight.

Most of the time, it's manageable, because toddlerhood is also full of Sesame Street and The Wiggles and lots of joy. There are times, though, when it's difficult, and being sleep deprived for weeks at at time makes it difficult to handle. It's those times that I get down, become deeply depressed, and feel despair. Despair over not seeing an end to it, and over the seriousness of my kids' disabilities.

If George was typically developing, he'd be able to tell us why he wasn't able to sleep. At the very least we'd be able to tell him to go to his room, shut the door, put on his TV, go on the computer, play his Playstation, and let us sleep. The door to his room is broken, so he'd come out of his room and need constant supervision to ensure his safety. It makes me understand the parents who got into trouble for putting their disabled kids in cages. The solution was to purchase more baby gates and tie them together--not cages, but a way to keep him safe so that we can sleep.

So last night was the second night of this solution, which we know is only temporary, and it's gone well. For some reason, though, it coincided with George's sleep improving. Perhaps he's woken up, seen that he's safe in his room, and gone back to sleep. Perhaps it was just a stage. Who knows? I've had two good nights of sleep, and it's made all the difference in the world.